I actually jumped (and maybe peed a little) whilst watching episode two of American Horror Story: Roanoke. Ghosts and pigs are still terrorizing Matt and Shelby and a whole lot of classic horror movie stuff is going down in that creepy mansion. Prepare for some jump scares this week. Here’s a recap of all the nightmares that went down…
Picking up where we left off, Shelby escapes from the creepy cult in the woods. She secretly watches them from behind a branch to see that they’re burning a man alive. Nailing a pig’s tail to his crotch and covering his face with a pig’s head, it looks as though some kind of human sacrifice is going down.
Kathy Bate’s character chants strange words over the dude who’s getting spit-roasted over the fire like an actual pig. Are we witnessing the creation of Piggy Man here? Suddenly she spots Shelby and shouts “Seize her!”. Shelby runs and faints in front Matt’s car…
BTW, did anyone else catch Lady Gaga as Kathy Bate’s feral sidekick?
Here she is again. Snatch that wig, Gaga!
Shelby still insists that the whole thing is a prank played by the hillbillies (really?!) but the doctors and police think she’s crazy…
Talking of crazy, Lee thinks it’s okay to bring her child to a house plagued with terror. She babysits her daughter, Flora who she’s been struggling to get custody of due to her alcoholism. It isn’t long before Flora becomes BFFs with a ghost child named Priscilla. Even though she’s also experienced weird stuff, Lee sees this as no biggie. She even brushes off the fact that a bouquet of flowers and a bonnet smash through their window. SRSLY?! GTFO of that house!
You hear that Matt and Shelby?! GTFO of that house! Especially when you’re woken up by pig squeals night after night! This time, Shelby takes no more. She heads out to confront whatever’s haunting them with Matt tailing behind. A pig runs passed him (does North Carolina have a lot of random pigs running around?) and they both end up stumbling upon a demonic-looking structure burning with a pig’s head on top.
Could they not smell bacon in the air? Am I the only one who would rather be homeless than live in that house a minute longer?
Let the horror begin. At home, Matt answers an unplugged phone to hear a faint voice saying “Please. They’re hurting me.”
He turns around to see two nurses hovering over an old woman in a hospital bed – in his living room. One of the nurses shoots the old woman blank in the head.
She then picks up a spray can and paints the letter “M” on the wall. “M is for Margaret,” they laugh.
As expected, Matt poos his pants and calls the police. Once again, there’s nothing to be found. Even the letter “M” has disappeared from the wall. Funnily, and stupidly enough, Lee and Shelby both side-eye Matt as if to say he’s crazy. They’ve ALL experienced terrifying things in that house yet they ALL doubt each other’s stories! *Rolls eyes*
It’s time for Flora to go home with daddy but when he and Lee look for her, they find her hiding in a cupboard, talking to her imaginary friend. More like frenemy – Priscilla the ghost apparently told Flora that she’s going to kill them all and save her for last. That’s the last straw for daddy. He yanks Flora out of that house and vows never to let Lee near her again. At least somebody’s got sense to GTFO of that house!
Lee starts drinking heavily again. When blades and knives are found sticking out of their ceiling, Shelby blames Lee. Right. Because strange and supernatural things aren’t the norm in this house?
The two nurses, Piggy Man and wagging pig tails nailed to the wall start haunting Lee while she’s intoxicated upstairs.
In the meantime, Shelby and Matt spot a ghostly girl in their yard. They go out to find a door which leads to a cellar.
Inside, they find what looks like a bunker, and a camera and a home video. *Press play* The 1997 footage shows a Dr. Elias Cunningham who moved into the house to write a true crime novel based on two killer nurses who murdered their elderly patients in that very premise. Sound familiar?
They used the letters in their victims’ names to spray paint the word MURDER onto the wall. However, they disappeared without a single trace and failed to paint the last letter.
Dr. Elias Cunningham also reveals that a family of four who also lived in the house suddenly vanished too. The video ends when Cunningham is attacked by something in the house…
Matt puts two and two together and rips off the wallpaper in the house to find the word MURDE sprayed onto the wall (how EASILY did that wallpaper come off?!). A bloody butcher’s knife strikes their front door and this finally persuades them to GTFO of that house.
The bank won’t take the house back though (no fucking surprise) and Matt and Shelby can’t leave because they spent five freaking figures to buy it. I’d be living in my car if I had to. NOTHING would make me stay in that house!
Just as real-life Matt said in his interview – we didn’t think things could get any worse. Lee kidnaps her daughter and brings her back to the hell-house. In the midst of talking out the madness with Shelby and Matt, Flora follows Priscilla out into the front yard…
They soon discover that Flora is missing. Matt, Shelby and Lee head out into the words only to find her yellow cardi hanging off the top of a high tree. It looks like Flora is the next victim to mysteriously vanish. Daddy ain’t gonna be happy…
Talk about tense and creepy fun! This season has certainly scared the jeebies out of me so far. My only complaint is Lady Gaga and Evan Peter’s noticable absence. We hope they’ll be visiting MURDE House pretty soon…
Next Episode: Chapter 3