After weeks of watching this show within a show within another show, we’ve finally reached the season six finale of American Horror Story: Roanoke. Not only were you treated to “My Roanoke Nightmare”, “Return to Roanoke” and the YouTube chronicles of three teens; for the final round, we were forced to tune into three more shows, “Crack’d”, “The Lana Winters Special” and “Spirit Chasers”.
I know, you’re confused already. My final Roanoke recap might explain…
Chapter 10 of Roanoke opens with a throwback to a happier time when the cast of My Roanoke Nightmare were alive and well. It’s all sunshine and rainbows at the Paleyfest. Fans are screaming, they’re dressed as Piggy Man and they’re all dying for a kiss from Rory (Evan Peters – I’m SO happy to see you again!).
I’ll tell you what the real horror story of this season is – that fan-girl’s attempt at a British accent. Holy baloney, that accent was all sorts of mixed-up!
BTW, never in a million years would My Roanoke Nightmare create such a hype. I mean, the fans are on a Friends/Game of Thrones/Breaking Bad-fanatic level. Not realistic, at all!
Talking of unrealistic, Lee has been acquitted of all her murder charges. In an edition of
American Crime Story: Lee Harris vs The People Crack’d, we watch her trial unfold. Even though we saw her kill Monet, the Polks and a teen on camera, she is let off the murders due to her mental state. Lee ate a pig’s heart, got high from the Polk drugs, and also had her leg carved, so turns out, maybe she’s nuts.
Moral of the story? Blame your crimes on drugs and a grazed leg – you’ll get acquitted!
Lee’s confession tape and Flora’s witness story is apparently enough evidence to charge her for Mason’s murder. Flora keeps going on about her ghost friend Priscilla which isn’t credible enough so guess what? Lee is acquitted once more, giving OJ Simpson a freakin’ run for his money!
An Asylum character comes out of retirement to interview Lee in a one-off show called The Lana Winters Special. Can we talk about how young Lana looks? I mean, considering Asylum was set in the 60’s, I’m assuming she would be in her 80’s by now.
Anyway, Lana asks Lee why she chose to be interviewed by her. “Because of who you are, what you’ve been through. I mean Jesus, you killed your own son.”
BOOM! There it is ladies and gents – American Horror Story makes the Asylum connection official!
Lana accuses Lee of kidnapping Flora once more because apparently, she’s missing. Again. (Have we forgotten about Lee’s other child that went missing? The show never returned to that.)
Next thing you know, the Polk dude who survived last week, riots through the interview shooting a gun. He’s mad at Lee for killing Mama Polk. Shots fired. The SWAT team take him out in a second…
I don’t know how many times I’ve said this throughout my Roanoke recaps, but here I go again – WHY DO THESE PEOPLE KEEP RETURNING TO THE HOUSE?! I’M SO TIRED OF SEEING THESE NUMBNUTS GO BACK TO THE PLACE WHERE MULTIPLE PEOPLE WERE MURDERED!
In an edition of Spirit Chasers, three ghost hunters and Ashley, the actor who played Cricket visit the Roanoke house to see if they’ll catch a glimpse of the undead.
SURPRISE SURPRISE, they catch more than just a glimpse. They catch a freakin’ knife to the gut, an arrow to the heart and another one gets abducted by the Chen girl.
As expected, it’s a party up in here. The Chens are joined by Piggy Man, the Nurses, and the Butcher and her gang. Heck, Lee has even turned up. You’d think she returned because was still possessed by the Original Supreme but NO, she’s there to apparently look for her missing daughter, Flora.
(I have to ask – why hasn’t Lee turned into the Butcher after eating a pig’s heart? Why hasn’t she turned psycho again? Was the possession just a one-time thing? That wasn’t the case for the Butcher in 15-something)
When Lee finally finds Flora, the police turn up thinking this is a hostage situation. Lee tries to convince Flora to forgive her for killing her daddy but Flora’s got other things on her mind – Priscilla the ghost. She wants to die for Priscilla so they can be ghost BFFs for life.
What is it with Flora’s Priscilla obsession? I mean, she’s a ghost. Didn’t this kid have any friends before she came to Murder House 2.0? What is wrong with her?
Lee decides to sacrifice herself for her daughter. She’s better off dying and like she said, Priscilla needs a new mommy (SRSLY WTF?) so she gets the ghost girl to shoot her dead and BOOM the house is up in flames.
Why the house exploded, I don’t know…
And so Flora walks out of the house as the only survivor of the Roanoke ordeal. As she gets taken away by cops, she looks out of her window to see her ghost mommy with her ghost BFF waving goodbye.
As the car pulls away, we see the Blood Moon rise accompanied by the Butcher and her settlers. Those cops have got another thing coming…
Although the finale of American Horror Story: Roanoke was a bit of a let-down, I’m not going to deny that the rest of the season delivered. Sure, I wish my faves like Evan Peters, Lady Gaga and Finn Wittrock had a little more screen time but those flaws won’t take away the fact that it was overall, a fun season. Kudos to Kathy Bates, too! We saw little of her but WOW her talent never goes unnoticed!
AHS may be over for another year but just to keep the frights going a little longer, I’ve gathered up a list of real life events that inspired the show! Yes, some of American Horror Story is true, indeed!